life changes
going away to grad school and living on my own has brought some changes about in my life, some of the things have been happening over a period of time, others have come after some life changes and revelations.
one of the main and most controversial changes that has happened is my hair. now mind you I was relaxer free the first 18 years of my life but I usually did the blowdry, press and curl, etc. then for some reason I got a relaxer for 2.5 years, but now for the year and a half I've been relaxer free. I like the versatility of wearing it straight if I want, or on braids/twists, or in a set, or in a big ass afro. my hair changes with my mood. so during summer session and the beginning of the school year I wore twists and cornrows, people seemed to be able to deal with this and probably figured oh she's bald headed under there or some other nonsense. so one day after class I went in my room closed the door, took all my braids and didn't appear until the next day in class when people saw hair for the first time. most people were like oh it's cool, one ignoramus was like I see you took your dreadlocs out, and a few did what I hate, they petted my hair **I am so not a puppy don't pet me**. now I don't know if people think that I wanted a response or comments from them for some type of affirmation but I didn't.
the statement that was most interesting came from someone who's brown like me, she asked "so what are you going to do with your hair, when are you going to straighten it" I said I don't plan on it anytime soon and she responded "oh well I couldn't imagine walking around with that much hair everywhere" I was thinking well that's great and fuck you very much, but I politely said well as long as I can imagine it that's all that matters. the conversation continues to go on and she says how if she had a some type of "good hair" that was manageable or a texturizer then she could do the natural look. first off good hair is healthy hair that grows to me not a texture, secondly natural hair to me is not a look or a fashion statement it's a way of living. I don't mind or don't care if you wear a perm relaxer texturizer s-curl or whatever but the way that I don't get in your face talking about stop putting that "creamy crack" in your hair every 6-8 weeks don't get in mine asking when I'm going to straighten my hair or asking if all of a sudden I'm some type of activist. nope i'm the same black girl who's face you were all up in this summer and who you kept saying "you are so cool" to (underlying meaning you are a cool black person) and who you were fine with when you thought you had more relaxed hair then me when I had braids but then got an attitude with when you saw that my coiled/nappy hair is longer then yours when its straight, my favorite was this girl that wanted to argue with me that I couldn't possibly have my hair texture ad that it must be relaxed or texturized. that's why I love my napptural hair not only does it make me feel good but it draws so much attention, and at least you know when people are talking about you they are thinking about you.
my other change since being here is my personal health. one day i looked in the mirror and realized I was not happy with what I saw. I was nourishing my mind with knowledge and trying to feed myself spiritually but I truly wasn't treating my body as the temple that it is. so what did i do, i started keeping a food journal, recording and monitoring what I eat and the calories so that my diet would be balanced, I decided that I wanted to become a vegetarian but am starting that journey by being a pescetarian (A person who supplements a vegetarian diet with fish), and I have implemented regular and consistent physical activity in my life dancing twice a week and walking and running a trail other days. by doing these things there has been a change in my lifestyle and my outlook. health is something that is more important and it's helping me feel better when I look in the mirror and see changes come to fruition. but of course I get negativity in this realm as well, some is jokingly like people asking "who am I trying to impress" or "what man am I trying to catch." then I have other people who say how can you be black and not eat meat, and I'm thinking quite easily, hypertension, heart disease and diabetes are not what's up and I'm trying to live.
today an associate goes to the grocery store with me we separate to do our shopping and we decide to meet up in the front. so my basket has; boca burgers, tofudogs, lean cuisine, lowfat yogurt, soynuts, cheese, dried mango's, and some lite buns... she has pork chops, brownies, soda, chips, and a cart full of other stuff, so she looks over to me and is like what's up with all that white health food stuff. ummm boo boo when has eating healthy become white. then she proceeds to say between me and my angela davis fro, my red black and green wristband, and my eating that healthy stuff i'm turning into a treehuging womanist **which made me laugh** but I'm fine with.
changing things that are little to you can really be blown out of proportion by other people. the people that don't feel the need to make comments I can deal with the ones that don't say anything but occasionally give a compliment I can deal with, but when people think they need to voice their opinion all the time, especially when it's not asked for or needed, I can't handle. when I made the decision on my 21st birthday not to put a chemical in my hair again that was a decision I made for ME and my well being, when I decided I wanted to change my health and my lifestyle that was a decision for ME as well. when I make 98% of the decisions in my life they are for me or for people so close to me that they are a part of me. with all this said, if you decide to make a change in your life don't let others effect you or make you feel bad or doubt your choices.
when you make a life change its seriously for YOU and you should live your life in the way YOU see fit.
one of the main and most controversial changes that has happened is my hair. now mind you I was relaxer free the first 18 years of my life but I usually did the blowdry, press and curl, etc. then for some reason I got a relaxer for 2.5 years, but now for the year and a half I've been relaxer free. I like the versatility of wearing it straight if I want, or on braids/twists, or in a set, or in a big ass afro. my hair changes with my mood. so during summer session and the beginning of the school year I wore twists and cornrows, people seemed to be able to deal with this and probably figured oh she's bald headed under there or some other nonsense. so one day after class I went in my room closed the door, took all my braids and didn't appear until the next day in class when people saw hair for the first time. most people were like oh it's cool, one ignoramus was like I see you took your dreadlocs out, and a few did what I hate, they petted my hair **I am so not a puppy don't pet me**. now I don't know if people think that I wanted a response or comments from them for some type of affirmation but I didn't.
the statement that was most interesting came from someone who's brown like me, she asked "so what are you going to do with your hair, when are you going to straighten it" I said I don't plan on it anytime soon and she responded "oh well I couldn't imagine walking around with that much hair everywhere" I was thinking well that's great and fuck you very much, but I politely said well as long as I can imagine it that's all that matters. the conversation continues to go on and she says how if she had a some type of "good hair" that was manageable or a texturizer then she could do the natural look. first off good hair is healthy hair that grows to me not a texture, secondly natural hair to me is not a look or a fashion statement it's a way of living. I don't mind or don't care if you wear a perm relaxer texturizer s-curl or whatever but the way that I don't get in your face talking about stop putting that "creamy crack" in your hair every 6-8 weeks don't get in mine asking when I'm going to straighten my hair or asking if all of a sudden I'm some type of activist. nope i'm the same black girl who's face you were all up in this summer and who you kept saying "you are so cool" to (underlying meaning you are a cool black person) and who you were fine with when you thought you had more relaxed hair then me when I had braids but then got an attitude with when you saw that my coiled/nappy hair is longer then yours when its straight, my favorite was this girl that wanted to argue with me that I couldn't possibly have my hair texture ad that it must be relaxed or texturized. that's why I love my napptural hair not only does it make me feel good but it draws so much attention, and at least you know when people are talking about you they are thinking about you.
my other change since being here is my personal health. one day i looked in the mirror and realized I was not happy with what I saw. I was nourishing my mind with knowledge and trying to feed myself spiritually but I truly wasn't treating my body as the temple that it is. so what did i do, i started keeping a food journal, recording and monitoring what I eat and the calories so that my diet would be balanced, I decided that I wanted to become a vegetarian but am starting that journey by being a pescetarian (A person who supplements a vegetarian diet with fish), and I have implemented regular and consistent physical activity in my life dancing twice a week and walking and running a trail other days. by doing these things there has been a change in my lifestyle and my outlook. health is something that is more important and it's helping me feel better when I look in the mirror and see changes come to fruition. but of course I get negativity in this realm as well, some is jokingly like people asking "who am I trying to impress" or "what man am I trying to catch." then I have other people who say how can you be black and not eat meat, and I'm thinking quite easily, hypertension, heart disease and diabetes are not what's up and I'm trying to live.
today an associate goes to the grocery store with me we separate to do our shopping and we decide to meet up in the front. so my basket has; boca burgers, tofudogs, lean cuisine, lowfat yogurt, soynuts, cheese, dried mango's, and some lite buns... she has pork chops, brownies, soda, chips, and a cart full of other stuff, so she looks over to me and is like what's up with all that white health food stuff. ummm boo boo when has eating healthy become white. then she proceeds to say between me and my angela davis fro, my red black and green wristband, and my eating that healthy stuff i'm turning into a treehuging womanist **which made me laugh** but I'm fine with.
changing things that are little to you can really be blown out of proportion by other people. the people that don't feel the need to make comments I can deal with the ones that don't say anything but occasionally give a compliment I can deal with, but when people think they need to voice their opinion all the time, especially when it's not asked for or needed, I can't handle. when I made the decision on my 21st birthday not to put a chemical in my hair again that was a decision I made for ME and my well being, when I decided I wanted to change my health and my lifestyle that was a decision for ME as well. when I make 98% of the decisions in my life they are for me or for people so close to me that they are a part of me. with all this said, if you decide to make a change in your life don't let others effect you or make you feel bad or doubt your choices.
when you make a life change its seriously for YOU and you should live your life in the way YOU see fit.
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