second chances
this is kind of a continuation or maybe I should say a spin-off of the relationship topic from yesterday...
anyway this topic came up because another friend of mine is going through some relationship BS and at lunch yesterday we were talking about when is the point when you just say there are no more second chances and you completely throw in the towel on your relationship. Now to give some background on her situation her and her guy have been together six years they are doing the long-distant thing and there have been some difficulties with that because they aren't use to being apart, so anyway he calls and in a nut shell says he doesn't know if he can deal with the distance blah blah blah and that he kind of cheated on her (I will touch on cheating in another entry). Well him telling her this completely shut her down to the point that she came out looking rough, she wasn't eating, not sleeping, crying all the time and she literally went down a clothes size in a week. So after all of that they decide lets spend the weekend together to work out our issues and all of that good stuff and now she has given him the option of having a second chance, but wait this particular second chance is really a repeat of a repeat and is really a fifth chance. So she tells him this is your last chance but is it really?!?
Now me I can't even say oh she's stupid and so on because I've lived a very similar situation. One in which you try to see if the time and emotions invested and the love that you have outweigh the lies, deceit, unfaithfulness, etc. It's a very hard situation to be in. Because at times you are torn by internal conflict (at least I was) the mind says use your logic, if a person has lied to you before and done it with ease they can do it again, and if they cheat then what if the same situation happens will they cheat again too and then your mind comes up with hypothesis and notions of how you can never believe anything that comes from this person because you cant trust them... now the heart can pull you in another direction and say what if it was a mistake, what if you all are meant for each other, look at the love and the moments shared and the little things. When you have internal conflicts like that it's easy to fall into the second chance syndrome. You say ohh I'll give him one more chance to prove himself and if that doesn't work then that's it, then the next time it's well he said was sorry or I don't/can't understand where he is coming from... and then the cycle continues.
What does it really take for people to just be able to muster up the courage and move on with their lives instead of holding on to a hope and continuing to give out do overs. Why when physical evidence shows things aren't right do you still hang on to that glimmer of hope? Shouldn't a second chance be just that a second chance and none after that? An old saying that I heard "is fool me once shame on you fool me twice shame on me" Meaning after the first time if it happens again then it is no ones fault but your own for staying.
ehh relationships are too complex and so many issues come with them. I think the ones that require the second chances and the heartaches aren't going to be the ones that succeed in the long run. I was always told No man is worth your tears, and the one that is, won't make you cry... so there is that hope for bliss one day
anyway this topic came up because another friend of mine is going through some relationship BS and at lunch yesterday we were talking about when is the point when you just say there are no more second chances and you completely throw in the towel on your relationship. Now to give some background on her situation her and her guy have been together six years they are doing the long-distant thing and there have been some difficulties with that because they aren't use to being apart, so anyway he calls and in a nut shell says he doesn't know if he can deal with the distance blah blah blah and that he kind of cheated on her (I will touch on cheating in another entry). Well him telling her this completely shut her down to the point that she came out looking rough, she wasn't eating, not sleeping, crying all the time and she literally went down a clothes size in a week. So after all of that they decide lets spend the weekend together to work out our issues and all of that good stuff and now she has given him the option of having a second chance, but wait this particular second chance is really a repeat of a repeat and is really a fifth chance. So she tells him this is your last chance but is it really?!?
Now me I can't even say oh she's stupid and so on because I've lived a very similar situation. One in which you try to see if the time and emotions invested and the love that you have outweigh the lies, deceit, unfaithfulness, etc. It's a very hard situation to be in. Because at times you are torn by internal conflict (at least I was) the mind says use your logic, if a person has lied to you before and done it with ease they can do it again, and if they cheat then what if the same situation happens will they cheat again too and then your mind comes up with hypothesis and notions of how you can never believe anything that comes from this person because you cant trust them... now the heart can pull you in another direction and say what if it was a mistake, what if you all are meant for each other, look at the love and the moments shared and the little things. When you have internal conflicts like that it's easy to fall into the second chance syndrome. You say ohh I'll give him one more chance to prove himself and if that doesn't work then that's it, then the next time it's well he said was sorry or I don't/can't understand where he is coming from... and then the cycle continues.
What does it really take for people to just be able to muster up the courage and move on with their lives instead of holding on to a hope and continuing to give out do overs. Why when physical evidence shows things aren't right do you still hang on to that glimmer of hope? Shouldn't a second chance be just that a second chance and none after that? An old saying that I heard "is fool me once shame on you fool me twice shame on me" Meaning after the first time if it happens again then it is no ones fault but your own for staying.
ehh relationships are too complex and so many issues come with them. I think the ones that require the second chances and the heartaches aren't going to be the ones that succeed in the long run. I was always told No man is worth your tears, and the one that is, won't make you cry... so there is that hope for bliss one day
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