optimism
I'm an optimist.
I hope for things to be better then what they may be and try to seek out that silver lining. I think I have been really sheltered living in chocolate and multicultural cities that I forgot. I forgot what goes on in the world and how as much as people say things have changed they are in so many ways the same.
It's so funny to hear peoples experience in Syracuse and to see how a little bit of melanin changes your whole outlook on this city and this experience. I'm not saying that it has been horrible, because it hasn't been completely. But there are some things that I try to ignore, but I can't...
I try to ignore all these smile in your face and pray for your demise people that are up here. The people that are on some "oh you got that internship I'm so happy for you" but can't even wait until I get out of earshot to say "she must know someone that works there." But of course that's not the case. I know where my intelligence lies, I know that I am smart, articulate and have this power and confidence that they can't even formulate in their minds. Some people are like Christen you are being paranoid, but I'm not. When me and my girls are in different programs and we can sit down and almost share the same story of how people are conniving and sneaky to find out why you got the job here, or how you got an internship in France, or how you can turn down jobs... then I don't think it's in my head. When people make racist and sexist remarks and it takes all your power not to let those womanist vibes come out beat their ass not only with words but with your fist in the classroom, but instead with dignity and grace school them and make them feel like the smallest thing on the planet. When you are deserving of an award and you are passed up for it because, there is no reason. When you have a girl show you how her friend dressed up as "the flower lady" (a black lady that sells flowers in downtown Syracuse) for Halloween and doesn't understand why you didn't find her costume amusing. Maybe because it was 2003 and all I see is a white girl with dark foundation painted on, she says it isn't blackface and I say so does brownface make it better? When you see students crying because they have "go home nigger" written on their dry erase boards on there door. Or when the student association gives $55,000 to one group on campus but denied a black nurses associations request for a measly $140 or when the graduate student association which my group falls under tells us that we didn't need to show up at a meeting and then later tells us because we didn't show up we got no funding. When a professor tells me that she thinks I'm trying to take the easy route because I'm talking about a subject I'm familiar with when that's what 90 percent of the class is doing.
But like I said before I'm an optimist. I found my silver lining. The first day of "bootcamp" last summer WE all happened to sit at the same table. Of course we got the comments of "wow how cool you all knew each other before you came" yeah sure. 13 black people all knew each other and applied to the same school and all got in. Nope we all just were like that's my sister or my brother and we held on to that. Although some I was closer to then others they really helped me make it up here whether it was going to Awful Al's, Dolce's, The Country Club, or out to eat. To make sure that we saw each other we did potlucks and movie night. I took a class in the African American Studies Department and found that they accept us all. If you need anything you go there and someone will listen and help. Then the BGSA ladies really helped me make it through the spring. I have never been so in tune with ladies and they have been my all around support spiritually, physically, and emotionally. We have sat around and talked about men and the lack there of in Syracuse, roadtripped, put together great events, and been sisters.
So with all the negativity I experienced I found my silver lining. I found people outside of the walls I am confined in and they have made this experience here great. SI Newhouse School educated me on PR but my friends that I made here and my involvement on this campus has schooled me and placed that optimism back in place.
I hope for things to be better then what they may be and try to seek out that silver lining. I think I have been really sheltered living in chocolate and multicultural cities that I forgot. I forgot what goes on in the world and how as much as people say things have changed they are in so many ways the same.
It's so funny to hear peoples experience in Syracuse and to see how a little bit of melanin changes your whole outlook on this city and this experience. I'm not saying that it has been horrible, because it hasn't been completely. But there are some things that I try to ignore, but I can't...
I try to ignore all these smile in your face and pray for your demise people that are up here. The people that are on some "oh you got that internship I'm so happy for you" but can't even wait until I get out of earshot to say "she must know someone that works there." But of course that's not the case. I know where my intelligence lies, I know that I am smart, articulate and have this power and confidence that they can't even formulate in their minds. Some people are like Christen you are being paranoid, but I'm not. When me and my girls are in different programs and we can sit down and almost share the same story of how people are conniving and sneaky to find out why you got the job here, or how you got an internship in France, or how you can turn down jobs... then I don't think it's in my head. When people make racist and sexist remarks and it takes all your power not to let those womanist vibes come out beat their ass not only with words but with your fist in the classroom, but instead with dignity and grace school them and make them feel like the smallest thing on the planet. When you are deserving of an award and you are passed up for it because, there is no reason. When you have a girl show you how her friend dressed up as "the flower lady" (a black lady that sells flowers in downtown Syracuse) for Halloween and doesn't understand why you didn't find her costume amusing. Maybe because it was 2003 and all I see is a white girl with dark foundation painted on, she says it isn't blackface and I say so does brownface make it better? When you see students crying because they have "go home nigger" written on their dry erase boards on there door. Or when the student association gives $55,000 to one group on campus but denied a black nurses associations request for a measly $140 or when the graduate student association which my group falls under tells us that we didn't need to show up at a meeting and then later tells us because we didn't show up we got no funding. When a professor tells me that she thinks I'm trying to take the easy route because I'm talking about a subject I'm familiar with when that's what 90 percent of the class is doing.
But like I said before I'm an optimist. I found my silver lining. The first day of "bootcamp" last summer WE all happened to sit at the same table. Of course we got the comments of "wow how cool you all knew each other before you came" yeah sure. 13 black people all knew each other and applied to the same school and all got in. Nope we all just were like that's my sister or my brother and we held on to that. Although some I was closer to then others they really helped me make it up here whether it was going to Awful Al's, Dolce's, The Country Club, or out to eat. To make sure that we saw each other we did potlucks and movie night. I took a class in the African American Studies Department and found that they accept us all. If you need anything you go there and someone will listen and help. Then the BGSA ladies really helped me make it through the spring. I have never been so in tune with ladies and they have been my all around support spiritually, physically, and emotionally. We have sat around and talked about men and the lack there of in Syracuse, roadtripped, put together great events, and been sisters.
So with all the negativity I experienced I found my silver lining. I found people outside of the walls I am confined in and they have made this experience here great. SI Newhouse School educated me on PR but my friends that I made here and my involvement on this campus has schooled me and placed that optimism back in place.
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