I've got a secret...
This morning a friend of mine and I decided to go out to breakfast. I was sitting in his living room reading magazines while he primped himself in the bathroom (mr. metrosexual). So I opened up Mens Health and there was this article called "Secrets Every Woman Keeps From Her Man." So I figured I need to read this and see if I keep these secrets (when I have a "man" or a "friend"). The article was a tad bit funny so I said I'm going blog on a few (of the 30) of the secrets that were "revealed" ...
1. My best friend knows everything. She knows all of your vitals -- from the size of your bank account to the size of your other, um, holdings -- and she knows how both compare with those of every other man I've ever dated. I have done a hand-comparison measurement so I can divulge size and girth with a high level of accuracy. When my friend smirks at you knowingly, you are not imagining it. She knows. So just know that she knows, and deal with it. (It's not going to change.) Ask her about me, or chat with her about our relationship, at your own risk. She will tell me. Even -- in fact, especially -- if she promises not to.
For the most part this is true. My bestfriend knows everything but just her and my guy bestfriend (give or take some tidbits). I won't tell all the girfriends about the goodies because I'm not trying to be locked up or on Maury for beating a bitch cause I told her about the goods and shes whispering and calling him at 3am. But I have shared the stats. The hand comparison haha I don't go that far... but I have some girlfriends that have compared their men to food items I can no longer eat because I laugh when I think about it (I really used to like king size snickers too lmao)
2. I'll never tell you exactly how many men I've slept with. No matter how sincere I appeared when I answered your question, chances are I wasn't. As an unscientific guideline, when a woman says she's slept with four men, the real number is actually closer to seven. Her fib is partly intentional (she doesn't want to appear a floozy), but mostly it's sexual amnesia. When a woman wants to pretend an encounter never occurred, she simply scraps the man from her official score sheet. Common excuses that lead to such an omission: The actual sex lasted only a few thrusts; or she was drunk or on the rebound.
Maybe I'm the oddball but I'll tell. If you are bold enough to ask I'm bold enough to give you the straight up answer. But don't get shocked and go into a crying session like a friend of mine did recently when his girl told him the number was real close to 150. Although that is quite sluttish of her don't ask what you don't want to know the answer to.
3. My body really isn't naturally this hairless and smooth all over. But I will never allow you to see any indication whatsoever of all the shaving, tweezing, waxing, exfoliating, and moisturizing that gets it this way.
Yeah thats basically true. If you see that I have a head full of long thick hair then you'ld have to be boo boo the fool to think that the rest of my body is naturally hairless. I get waxed, threaded, dipilatoried, scrubbed, steamed and moisturized all the time.
4. I have Googled you and your exes.
Sure have and have used some other secret ass search engines too. If you had the ex boyfriend that I had you'ld understand why and wouldn't mind me fingerprinting and doing background and credit checks.
5. I love it when you get a little jealous. So if you ever see me flirting in front of you with the waiter, the bus driver, or another guy at a party, know I'm actually flirting with you -- through him.
I won't say that I love it. Because a jealous black man is nothing to mess with. I am a natural flirt but this particular negro won't be purposely flirting with another man in front of my man and say some b.s like I'm flirting with you through him. Umm no that won't work
6. Even if I insist on paying or splitting the bill on our first date, I'll think you're cheap if you let me.
Haha. I might think that. But I will offer to pay after the first date and I don't mind... but i'd love it if the guy paid. What I don't like is when people invite you somewhere and expect you to pay. If your black ass invited me to dinner and a movie then you pay just like if I invite you then its on me.
7. If I'm going to break up with you, all of my friends know way before you do. I've been talking about it for 2 weeks.
This is all to true. If I'm going break up with you I've gone to my circle and asked for advice probably two weeks in advance and it's been in my head at least a month. When I dump you it's a well thought out process
8. When we do break up, I put all photographs of you and mementos of our relationship in a shoe box and store it in my closet. Just in case I get nostalgic. Just in case you come back.
I guess this is where I act like a "robot" as this one guy called me. If we break up I am not saving shyt related to you. Some pictures have to be saved because other people I like are in it but otherwise all the letters and other things I found sentimental at the moment are gone. When I broke up with my ex and he tried to come back he asked what happened to the picture of us that was on your dresser last week. Ashes they were.
9. I'm constantly testing you. I observe, analyze, and judge every action, word, gesture, e-mail, and facial expression. When I ask you if you want to have a threesome, I don't mean it. If you want me to speak to you again, let alone sleep with you after this conversation, the answer should always be, "Why would I want to sleep with another woman when I have you?"
I can't help but observing and analyzing. And it's correct sometimes we say stuff as a test. If I'm like lets do it in my moms bed, I'm not a freak I want to see how much respect you have for me and my family.... I know it's all games but we want to see were your mind is.
10. I still think about my ex-boyfriends and compare them to you. Mostly you win. Sometimes not.
I try not to but sometimes it happens. Some people won't ever cross my mind again and thats why they are ex's some are ex's because a relationship was inconvienient for us. So you might get a slight comparison in my head but as I always say people are ex's for a reason.
11. I might wear granny underwear and purposely not shave my legs because I like you. As crazy as it sounds, the more I like you, the less likely I am to sleep with you on an early date, because I don't want to sabotage having a "proper" relationship with you. So I just might purposely hunt out the ugliest underwear in my drawer and not shave my legs -- all to prevent myself from getting naked with you too soon. Sometimes I might get a little tipsy or carried away, and this plan will backfire.
Haha this is true. There have been plenty of times where I'm like let me put on the old ugly panties and not shave my legs or make sure I put on a girdle or some embarassing stuff that would make me not want to have myself in any awkward situations. It has worked, indeed it has. Talking to some guy friends and being around guys alot I know that alot of them, just don't care. Some guys aren't paying attention that have on a $100 dollar panache bra and panty set hell I could have on a $9.99 set from wal-mart and some she-wolf legs and they'd be happy as long as they thought they were getting some. But yeah we do this dress down thing to try to trick ourselves. I swear we are stupid at times lol
So these are some of the supposed "secrets" that us women have. The rest are on the menshealth site in case you are trying to get some more "insight" lol
*smile*
1. My best friend knows everything. She knows all of your vitals -- from the size of your bank account to the size of your other, um, holdings -- and she knows how both compare with those of every other man I've ever dated. I have done a hand-comparison measurement so I can divulge size and girth with a high level of accuracy. When my friend smirks at you knowingly, you are not imagining it. She knows. So just know that she knows, and deal with it. (It's not going to change.) Ask her about me, or chat with her about our relationship, at your own risk. She will tell me. Even -- in fact, especially -- if she promises not to.
For the most part this is true. My bestfriend knows everything but just her and my guy bestfriend (give or take some tidbits). I won't tell all the girfriends about the goodies because I'm not trying to be locked up or on Maury for beating a bitch cause I told her about the goods and shes whispering and calling him at 3am. But I have shared the stats. The hand comparison haha I don't go that far... but I have some girlfriends that have compared their men to food items I can no longer eat because I laugh when I think about it (I really used to like king size snickers too lmao)
2. I'll never tell you exactly how many men I've slept with. No matter how sincere I appeared when I answered your question, chances are I wasn't. As an unscientific guideline, when a woman says she's slept with four men, the real number is actually closer to seven. Her fib is partly intentional (she doesn't want to appear a floozy), but mostly it's sexual amnesia. When a woman wants to pretend an encounter never occurred, she simply scraps the man from her official score sheet. Common excuses that lead to such an omission: The actual sex lasted only a few thrusts; or she was drunk or on the rebound.
Maybe I'm the oddball but I'll tell. If you are bold enough to ask I'm bold enough to give you the straight up answer. But don't get shocked and go into a crying session like a friend of mine did recently when his girl told him the number was real close to 150. Although that is quite sluttish of her don't ask what you don't want to know the answer to.
3. My body really isn't naturally this hairless and smooth all over. But I will never allow you to see any indication whatsoever of all the shaving, tweezing, waxing, exfoliating, and moisturizing that gets it this way.
Yeah thats basically true. If you see that I have a head full of long thick hair then you'ld have to be boo boo the fool to think that the rest of my body is naturally hairless. I get waxed, threaded, dipilatoried, scrubbed, steamed and moisturized all the time.
4. I have Googled you and your exes.
Sure have and have used some other secret ass search engines too. If you had the ex boyfriend that I had you'ld understand why and wouldn't mind me fingerprinting and doing background and credit checks.
5. I love it when you get a little jealous. So if you ever see me flirting in front of you with the waiter, the bus driver, or another guy at a party, know I'm actually flirting with you -- through him.
I won't say that I love it. Because a jealous black man is nothing to mess with. I am a natural flirt but this particular negro won't be purposely flirting with another man in front of my man and say some b.s like I'm flirting with you through him. Umm no that won't work
6. Even if I insist on paying or splitting the bill on our first date, I'll think you're cheap if you let me.
Haha. I might think that. But I will offer to pay after the first date and I don't mind... but i'd love it if the guy paid. What I don't like is when people invite you somewhere and expect you to pay. If your black ass invited me to dinner and a movie then you pay just like if I invite you then its on me.
7. If I'm going to break up with you, all of my friends know way before you do. I've been talking about it for 2 weeks.
This is all to true. If I'm going break up with you I've gone to my circle and asked for advice probably two weeks in advance and it's been in my head at least a month. When I dump you it's a well thought out process
8. When we do break up, I put all photographs of you and mementos of our relationship in a shoe box and store it in my closet. Just in case I get nostalgic. Just in case you come back.
I guess this is where I act like a "robot" as this one guy called me. If we break up I am not saving shyt related to you. Some pictures have to be saved because other people I like are in it but otherwise all the letters and other things I found sentimental at the moment are gone. When I broke up with my ex and he tried to come back he asked what happened to the picture of us that was on your dresser last week. Ashes they were.
9. I'm constantly testing you. I observe, analyze, and judge every action, word, gesture, e-mail, and facial expression. When I ask you if you want to have a threesome, I don't mean it. If you want me to speak to you again, let alone sleep with you after this conversation, the answer should always be, "Why would I want to sleep with another woman when I have you?"
I can't help but observing and analyzing. And it's correct sometimes we say stuff as a test. If I'm like lets do it in my moms bed, I'm not a freak I want to see how much respect you have for me and my family.... I know it's all games but we want to see were your mind is.
10. I still think about my ex-boyfriends and compare them to you. Mostly you win. Sometimes not.
I try not to but sometimes it happens. Some people won't ever cross my mind again and thats why they are ex's some are ex's because a relationship was inconvienient for us. So you might get a slight comparison in my head but as I always say people are ex's for a reason.
11. I might wear granny underwear and purposely not shave my legs because I like you. As crazy as it sounds, the more I like you, the less likely I am to sleep with you on an early date, because I don't want to sabotage having a "proper" relationship with you. So I just might purposely hunt out the ugliest underwear in my drawer and not shave my legs -- all to prevent myself from getting naked with you too soon. Sometimes I might get a little tipsy or carried away, and this plan will backfire.
Haha this is true. There have been plenty of times where I'm like let me put on the old ugly panties and not shave my legs or make sure I put on a girdle or some embarassing stuff that would make me not want to have myself in any awkward situations. It has worked, indeed it has. Talking to some guy friends and being around guys alot I know that alot of them, just don't care. Some guys aren't paying attention that have on a $100 dollar panache bra and panty set hell I could have on a $9.99 set from wal-mart and some she-wolf legs and they'd be happy as long as they thought they were getting some. But yeah we do this dress down thing to try to trick ourselves. I swear we are stupid at times lol
So these are some of the supposed "secrets" that us women have. The rest are on the menshealth site in case you are trying to get some more "insight" lol
*smile*
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