a mind full
So it's like 3:15 am and I just came back in from seeing Ladder 49 (which was an excellent movie) with a friend of mine. I can't sleep because I have like a million and one thoughts roaming through my head so I figured I need to get this out so I can go to sleep .... mind you some of this is really quite random and quite silly
This evening my cousin needed to go to the mall so I went with her. We went in this lingerie spot and I decided I was going to by myself this and this. And we were talking about how it's good to be sexy for yourself and make yourself feel good even if no one sees it. Like right now I have on jeans and a tee but underneath it I have on like $100 worth of lingerie. Is anyone going to see it no (although some stand a better chance then most) but I wear it for me. Knowing that I have something on that makes me feel good is all that matters and I think that's the outlook we should have with life. Even though the outside of of lives may seen tattered and torn or may not be the greatest it's all about how you look and feel underneath.... now with all that said even though I am looking good for me I swear somebody out there needs to see this stuff I'm spending all my money on lol
I've realized sometimes I need to "man up" like I tell people to do and tell people the truth. Like tonight since someone didn't call me back and I was bored lol I went to the movies with someone that I should have been like nah I'll pass to and ended up being being pissed because I left out my house to go see a movie with a negro that slept the entire film. Now mind you the movie was great and I did want to see it but umm I could have had my ass in the house in my bed doing something real rewarding... like sleeping or a number of other things. But I was in the theater with this ass who spent money on a film to only see 10 minutes of it and that 10 was cause he was eating popcorn. Don't get me wrong he's not a bad guy it's just that I realized maybe two weeks ago after talking to him for a good 6 months or so (platonicly) that I don't like him. Tonight just kind of added to the dimension, It's not like he was like man I'm really tired and said excuse me if I fall asleep, he was talking and like a minute later I look over and he's on some narcoleptic shyt. I really thought about leaving his ass in the theatre when the movie ended knocked out with popcorn greasy lips until the janitors came. But I didn't, when we got to the parking lot I was ready to punch his ass when he gave me a hug and tried to sneak in a kiss (I turned my head and he got hair in the mouth) and said I enjoyed myself hopefully I'll see you tomorrow. All I thought was I bet you did enjoy yourself you slept the whole movie. I need to learn how to verbalize but in a way that won't be as abrasive as some of my thoughts. How do you say in a nice way "I'm not interested in you because I don't like you and I feel there are better options then you and it's not because I'm guessing there are better options I've like experienced that there are better options, like today. And I don't think you are a bad guy just a bad guy for me".... in a nice way lol
Also at what point does a girl get to stop driving her ownself on a date. One of my girls from NY and I were on the phone and she was saying how she has been seeing this guy for a good 3 months or so and usually wherever they go they both driver seperately. Now driving seperate isn't bad in fact I enjoy it when I am ready to go and the others in my party aren't, but if a guy has to pass buy your exit, street, neighborhood etc. and yall are both going to the same place maybe it's just the old fashionedness in me but his ass can at least OFFER to swoop you up. I understand the first few dates people are feeling each other out and don't want people to know where they live but after that come on. Maybe I am just spoiled because I have had and am used to people that don't even live relatively close to me come and get me and we may go out near their house or past their house but they still came and did it anyway or at the minimum I drive to their house and then we go. Now back to my friend she tells me this guy is always like I drove past your street blah blah blah saw your car etc. Then negro just stop and pick her up. I told her tobe careful his ass invited her to go to Canada with him and I bet his ass will be like okay meet me in Toronto around 1 and she will drive and he'll be driving too...
Another convo this evening made me think about how I really supress stuff. Me and my cousin and a friend of mine were talking about sex and my friend who is a guy told me that I give off sexual/sensual vibes to people (second person that told me that recently...hmm) and my cousin piped in and said yeah you do it's amazing how guys will talk to you and you are so nochalant about it. So I was like elaborate and she reminded me of an incident where these two guys were fighting over who gave me a compliment first (straight dumbness lol) and I was just sitting their looking at both of them not saying a thing and my response was well it makes no sense for me to be all worked up when you don't know what a guy is about. I guess it's also because I went soo many years lacking confidence and not hearing the stuff I needed to hear from people and from within that I am still accepting the new me. Cause honestly I swear I woke up one day and it's like someone shot me in the ass with confidence and gave me a cup of courage. But then I realized sometimes I do know what a guy is about and I still act nonchalant and kind of blow them off, sometimes it's because I really dont care and others because I'm still learning and getting adjusted to the skin I'm in. Then I thought about some opportunities I could miss out on and realized... hey it's some people that could get it right now (haha) and they don't even know it, well they might know but for real they could like seriously get it if they called right now and it's like 3:45 in the morning lmao... let me stop while I am ahead I must be sleepy
goodnight
This evening my cousin needed to go to the mall so I went with her. We went in this lingerie spot and I decided I was going to by myself this and this. And we were talking about how it's good to be sexy for yourself and make yourself feel good even if no one sees it. Like right now I have on jeans and a tee but underneath it I have on like $100 worth of lingerie. Is anyone going to see it no (although some stand a better chance then most) but I wear it for me. Knowing that I have something on that makes me feel good is all that matters and I think that's the outlook we should have with life. Even though the outside of of lives may seen tattered and torn or may not be the greatest it's all about how you look and feel underneath.... now with all that said even though I am looking good for me I swear somebody out there needs to see this stuff I'm spending all my money on lol
I've realized sometimes I need to "man up" like I tell people to do and tell people the truth. Like tonight since someone didn't call me back and I was bored lol I went to the movies with someone that I should have been like nah I'll pass to and ended up being being pissed because I left out my house to go see a movie with a negro that slept the entire film. Now mind you the movie was great and I did want to see it but umm I could have had my ass in the house in my bed doing something real rewarding... like sleeping or a number of other things. But I was in the theater with this ass who spent money on a film to only see 10 minutes of it and that 10 was cause he was eating popcorn. Don't get me wrong he's not a bad guy it's just that I realized maybe two weeks ago after talking to him for a good 6 months or so (platonicly) that I don't like him. Tonight just kind of added to the dimension, It's not like he was like man I'm really tired and said excuse me if I fall asleep, he was talking and like a minute later I look over and he's on some narcoleptic shyt. I really thought about leaving his ass in the theatre when the movie ended knocked out with popcorn greasy lips until the janitors came. But I didn't, when we got to the parking lot I was ready to punch his ass when he gave me a hug and tried to sneak in a kiss (I turned my head and he got hair in the mouth) and said I enjoyed myself hopefully I'll see you tomorrow. All I thought was I bet you did enjoy yourself you slept the whole movie. I need to learn how to verbalize but in a way that won't be as abrasive as some of my thoughts. How do you say in a nice way "I'm not interested in you because I don't like you and I feel there are better options then you and it's not because I'm guessing there are better options I've like experienced that there are better options, like today. And I don't think you are a bad guy just a bad guy for me".... in a nice way lol
Also at what point does a girl get to stop driving her ownself on a date. One of my girls from NY and I were on the phone and she was saying how she has been seeing this guy for a good 3 months or so and usually wherever they go they both driver seperately. Now driving seperate isn't bad in fact I enjoy it when I am ready to go and the others in my party aren't, but if a guy has to pass buy your exit, street, neighborhood etc. and yall are both going to the same place maybe it's just the old fashionedness in me but his ass can at least OFFER to swoop you up. I understand the first few dates people are feeling each other out and don't want people to know where they live but after that come on. Maybe I am just spoiled because I have had and am used to people that don't even live relatively close to me come and get me and we may go out near their house or past their house but they still came and did it anyway or at the minimum I drive to their house and then we go. Now back to my friend she tells me this guy is always like I drove past your street blah blah blah saw your car etc. Then negro just stop and pick her up. I told her tobe careful his ass invited her to go to Canada with him and I bet his ass will be like okay meet me in Toronto around 1 and she will drive and he'll be driving too...
Another convo this evening made me think about how I really supress stuff. Me and my cousin and a friend of mine were talking about sex and my friend who is a guy told me that I give off sexual/sensual vibes to people (second person that told me that recently...hmm) and my cousin piped in and said yeah you do it's amazing how guys will talk to you and you are so nochalant about it. So I was like elaborate and she reminded me of an incident where these two guys were fighting over who gave me a compliment first (straight dumbness lol) and I was just sitting their looking at both of them not saying a thing and my response was well it makes no sense for me to be all worked up when you don't know what a guy is about. I guess it's also because I went soo many years lacking confidence and not hearing the stuff I needed to hear from people and from within that I am still accepting the new me. Cause honestly I swear I woke up one day and it's like someone shot me in the ass with confidence and gave me a cup of courage. But then I realized sometimes I do know what a guy is about and I still act nonchalant and kind of blow them off, sometimes it's because I really dont care and others because I'm still learning and getting adjusted to the skin I'm in. Then I thought about some opportunities I could miss out on and realized... hey it's some people that could get it right now (haha) and they don't even know it, well they might know but for real they could like seriously get it if they called right now and it's like 3:45 in the morning lmao... let me stop while I am ahead I must be sleepy
goodnight
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