A Commitment Phobe?!?!
That's what I am according to a friend but I beg to differ....
So I went out with a friend of mine on Saturday to this little boutique in Virginia called Trousseau. It's a boutique that sells everything from lingerie to jewelry to the worlds best and my favorite chocolates and they call themselves a place that is "dedicated to the art of romance." So anyway I went in there with a guy friend of mine that was looking to get something for his fiancee. So we come into the door and are greeted by one of the employees, as usual they offer their assistance and so forth and then made the comment that it was so good to see a couple shopping together. So my friend who we'll call asshole who happens to be a psychologist (you'll see the relevance of his occupation later) lets out a laugh and is like "Christen, my girl, never that, she has commitment phobia." So yeah a lot of my friends know I have had relationship issues and at time I tend to be a tad bit picky and and indecisive when it comes to what I want but damn did he have to share that with the sales clerk in the store.
It's not so much that I am scared of relationships and commitments but I guess I'm scared of reliving certain aspects that may occur within relationships. A lot of my guy friends say the reason they love me so much is because I'm real with them and act like one of the guys, albeit a tad prissy at times, but I understand where they are coming from and so forth. That's great as far as a friendship but at times the same laid back non chalant way is spilled over into relationships. They also tell me that guys that deal with me probably have a really difficult time cracking the exterior because I have a "guy attitude" which means a guy has to pry stuff out of me and dig deep to find feelings and most guys don't have the patience to do so. Which is true... and from my friend's analysis (while we were walking through the store) I am this way because I am so afraid of serious relationships that I don't allow my exterior shell to be cracked and when I do allow and opening it's been by an ass who does something major and wrong so that adds to the phobia. (I hate having a damn psychologist as a friend). In all honesty that's my personality and when I meet you hell yeah it's going to be hard to get in but when we reach friendship it's open book (for the most part, can't tell everything).
He then points out that all of my relationships were ended by me. Which is true but the most recent ones have been for valid reasons. I'll admit in the past that I would break up with people because they got on my nerves, or said something I didn't like or simply because I felt like it but the last two were for valid reasons. Especially the last one. Hell I was all on the marriage and family tip, well he was and I guess I fell in the trap (yall know how that L word messes up logic), but I can tell you no commitment phobe is not going to consider taking the worlds biggest and longest commitment which is marriage. People that know me know in that situation I was committed to the relationship when the relationship wasn't committed to me and stuck it out out longer then I was supposed to and should have but I did it because I was committed and a bit jaded. So being committed isn't an issue for me I think starting out completely trusting a person enough to be with them is the issue and then after that commitment is a breeze.
I'm not a commitment phobe or anti relationships it's just when I've heard peoples words and they aren't matching up to their actions or they are not living up to commitments that they made why would I want to be with them. Learning from past experiences I've had to realize that some behaviors won't and can't be dropped overnight just because a person expresses interest in me or we declare our like/lust for each other. Someone can say I want to be with you but if I see you are up in every other chicks face saying "hi" and being "friendly" then you are damn right I'm going be commitment phobic, with that particular person and I'm proceeding with caution. I need to see actions to follow up on the words.. My last two relationships I went in without a complete thought process and they resulted in years of wasted time and who wants to waste more. Yes they were learning experiences but what I've learned is to look out for me.
So because I need time to make better decisions doesn't mean I'm scared of all relationships or making commitments. It means I'm cautious. It means that I respect myself way more then I did before and I respect myself enough to know that I am a goddess and deserve the best of the best....
So if I'm not dealing with guys fast enough for my friends, or I've been "single for too long because I'm still bitter/mad/holding in anger" (which I'm not ), or if because I haven't jumped at every offer that's come across my path in the past year makes me commitment phobic then I guess I am. But from my point of view I'm trying to make sure that I never settle again and get what I deserve...
So I went out with a friend of mine on Saturday to this little boutique in Virginia called Trousseau. It's a boutique that sells everything from lingerie to jewelry to the worlds best and my favorite chocolates and they call themselves a place that is "dedicated to the art of romance." So anyway I went in there with a guy friend of mine that was looking to get something for his fiancee. So we come into the door and are greeted by one of the employees, as usual they offer their assistance and so forth and then made the comment that it was so good to see a couple shopping together. So my friend who we'll call asshole who happens to be a psychologist (you'll see the relevance of his occupation later) lets out a laugh and is like "Christen, my girl, never that, she has commitment phobia." So yeah a lot of my friends know I have had relationship issues and at time I tend to be a tad bit picky and and indecisive when it comes to what I want but damn did he have to share that with the sales clerk in the store.
It's not so much that I am scared of relationships and commitments but I guess I'm scared of reliving certain aspects that may occur within relationships. A lot of my guy friends say the reason they love me so much is because I'm real with them and act like one of the guys, albeit a tad prissy at times, but I understand where they are coming from and so forth. That's great as far as a friendship but at times the same laid back non chalant way is spilled over into relationships. They also tell me that guys that deal with me probably have a really difficult time cracking the exterior because I have a "guy attitude" which means a guy has to pry stuff out of me and dig deep to find feelings and most guys don't have the patience to do so. Which is true... and from my friend's analysis (while we were walking through the store) I am this way because I am so afraid of serious relationships that I don't allow my exterior shell to be cracked and when I do allow and opening it's been by an ass who does something major and wrong so that adds to the phobia. (I hate having a damn psychologist as a friend). In all honesty that's my personality and when I meet you hell yeah it's going to be hard to get in but when we reach friendship it's open book (for the most part, can't tell everything).
He then points out that all of my relationships were ended by me. Which is true but the most recent ones have been for valid reasons. I'll admit in the past that I would break up with people because they got on my nerves, or said something I didn't like or simply because I felt like it but the last two were for valid reasons. Especially the last one. Hell I was all on the marriage and family tip, well he was and I guess I fell in the trap (yall know how that L word messes up logic), but I can tell you no commitment phobe is not going to consider taking the worlds biggest and longest commitment which is marriage. People that know me know in that situation I was committed to the relationship when the relationship wasn't committed to me and stuck it out out longer then I was supposed to and should have but I did it because I was committed and a bit jaded. So being committed isn't an issue for me I think starting out completely trusting a person enough to be with them is the issue and then after that commitment is a breeze.
I'm not a commitment phobe or anti relationships it's just when I've heard peoples words and they aren't matching up to their actions or they are not living up to commitments that they made why would I want to be with them. Learning from past experiences I've had to realize that some behaviors won't and can't be dropped overnight just because a person expresses interest in me or we declare our like/lust for each other. Someone can say I want to be with you but if I see you are up in every other chicks face saying "hi" and being "friendly" then you are damn right I'm going be commitment phobic, with that particular person and I'm proceeding with caution. I need to see actions to follow up on the words.. My last two relationships I went in without a complete thought process and they resulted in years of wasted time and who wants to waste more. Yes they were learning experiences but what I've learned is to look out for me.
So because I need time to make better decisions doesn't mean I'm scared of all relationships or making commitments. It means I'm cautious. It means that I respect myself way more then I did before and I respect myself enough to know that I am a goddess and deserve the best of the best....
So if I'm not dealing with guys fast enough for my friends, or I've been "single for too long because I'm still bitter/mad/holding in anger" (which I'm not ), or if because I haven't jumped at every offer that's come across my path in the past year makes me commitment phobic then I guess I am. But from my point of view I'm trying to make sure that I never settle again and get what I deserve...
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