I apologize.......
So I was looking through some old photo's and ran across some pictures of my brother and one of his old girlfriends. This particular girlfriend he dated on and off from when I was in the 5th grade until I was probably in the 9th grade and let me tell you I treated her like sh*t. It was deserving and I wasn't the only one in my family that didn't like her AT ALL but nonetheless I treated her pretty bad and in order to grow as a person I need to admit my wrongs (even though they are funny as hell). So Gwen if you are out there I apologize for....
*Messing up your seat in your car. I left the cap off the sharpie on purpose (it wasn't an accident) and left it on the seat so that the ink would soak in the fabric.
*Putting a correctol in your soda. Hey at least it was a gentle women's laxative.
*Pretending like I got sick that time you made dinner for us. In all honesty I stuck my finger down my throat and made myself throw up on your carpet. I also shouldn't have screamed out "see mommy I told you she's trying to poison me."
*Pushing the back of your chair and making you fall into the street. Remember that time you were at the Caribbean Day Parade and you though someone bumped into your lawn chair and that's what made you fall over. Well actually my friend and I were walking up the sidewalk and I spotted you and when I got behind you I had an out of body experience and kind of bumped your chair. Hard. Next thing I was up the sidewalk and I saw you laying on the street. My bad.
*Giving out your name and numbers to guys I met and telling them the best time to call me was after 10. Especially since I knew you were in bed at like 9:30
* Finally I apologize for leaving you laying on my porch. As funny as it was I should have helped you up and gave you a tissue....
Ok ok I have to tell the story that goes with the last one.
Scenario: it's 2001 I'm home for break from college and my doorbell rings. I look out the peephole and it's her. I'm wondering why she's at my house since my brother has been deceased since 98
Her: Hi Chrissy how are you?
Me: Cool can I help you with something.
Her: You know your brother has really been on my mind a lot lately
Me: and
Her: Well I was wondering if you could give me his contact info in North Carolina I lost it.
Me: *dumbfounded blank stare* are you serious?
Her: Yeah I'm serious I wouldn't have driven from Frederick out here if I wasn't
Me: *still has blank stare* Umm I don't know how to say this but Ron has been dead close to three years.
Her: Chrissy I know you have never liked me and if you don't want to give me his info fine, but don't be a bitch and lie to me
Me: *thinking I know this bitch didn't call me a bitch*
Her: So are you going to give me his info or what
Me: Hold on I'll be right back *goes in house goes downstairs and gets an obituary and returns* Now back to what I was going to say, you are right I never liked you. But I don't like most lying bitches I meet so don't take it to heart. So here you go *hands her the obituary* this should help you find him *slams the front door*
Yes I know that was mean lol... but the next thing I hear is sobbing and then a thud. I look out the window and this heifer fell out on my front porch. She is just laying on the ground. So I go down the hall and call my mom and tell her the situation and am like what should I do and she's like "she'll get up eventually just leave her." So I did haha.
So Gwen I'm sorry I left you out there for only God knows how long but what else could I do my mommy told me to leave you.
*Messing up your seat in your car. I left the cap off the sharpie on purpose (it wasn't an accident) and left it on the seat so that the ink would soak in the fabric.
*Putting a correctol in your soda. Hey at least it was a gentle women's laxative.
*Pretending like I got sick that time you made dinner for us. In all honesty I stuck my finger down my throat and made myself throw up on your carpet. I also shouldn't have screamed out "see mommy I told you she's trying to poison me."
*Pushing the back of your chair and making you fall into the street. Remember that time you were at the Caribbean Day Parade and you though someone bumped into your lawn chair and that's what made you fall over. Well actually my friend and I were walking up the sidewalk and I spotted you and when I got behind you I had an out of body experience and kind of bumped your chair. Hard. Next thing I was up the sidewalk and I saw you laying on the street. My bad.
*Giving out your name and numbers to guys I met and telling them the best time to call me was after 10. Especially since I knew you were in bed at like 9:30
* Finally I apologize for leaving you laying on my porch. As funny as it was I should have helped you up and gave you a tissue....
Ok ok I have to tell the story that goes with the last one.
Scenario: it's 2001 I'm home for break from college and my doorbell rings. I look out the peephole and it's her. I'm wondering why she's at my house since my brother has been deceased since 98
Her: Hi Chrissy how are you?
Me: Cool can I help you with something.
Her: You know your brother has really been on my mind a lot lately
Me: and
Her: Well I was wondering if you could give me his contact info in North Carolina I lost it.
Me: *dumbfounded blank stare* are you serious?
Her: Yeah I'm serious I wouldn't have driven from Frederick out here if I wasn't
Me: *still has blank stare* Umm I don't know how to say this but Ron has been dead close to three years.
Her: Chrissy I know you have never liked me and if you don't want to give me his info fine, but don't be a bitch and lie to me
Me: *thinking I know this bitch didn't call me a bitch*
Her: So are you going to give me his info or what
Me: Hold on I'll be right back *goes in house goes downstairs and gets an obituary and returns* Now back to what I was going to say, you are right I never liked you. But I don't like most lying bitches I meet so don't take it to heart. So here you go *hands her the obituary* this should help you find him *slams the front door*
Yes I know that was mean lol... but the next thing I hear is sobbing and then a thud. I look out the window and this heifer fell out on my front porch. She is just laying on the ground. So I go down the hall and call my mom and tell her the situation and am like what should I do and she's like "she'll get up eventually just leave her." So I did haha.
So Gwen I'm sorry I left you out there for only God knows how long but what else could I do my mommy told me to leave you.
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