Deal Breakers
a convo today made me want to write this... so I guess I haven't fully disappeared *smile* the writing in here will just be more sporadic as opposed to naturalbutterflyy...
One of my bestfriends had a dinner party on Sunday night to celebrate moving into her new place. So the combination of a bunch of women (sprinkled with a few guys), food and lots of wine we got on the subject relationships, specifically dealbreakers in relationships. You know those things that you "just won't put up with" and simply won't compromise for the sake of being in a relationship. So everyone is talking and saying what they don't like and a lot of things were feasible and then some things made me question is that something you'd end a relationship over or simply a frustration and difference in preferences. Also a lot of the things that were said were also sort of shallow, considering the other person couldn't bring the same thing to the table.
He can't smoke. Needs to have a relationship with God. Must have a job. Can't have kids. Needs to be educated. Has to make at least $__ a year. Can't be vain. Needs to have his own place. If I don't meet his family in __ months I'm gone. If a man can't take me to his house within the first __ I'm gone. If the sex is wack I'm out. He needs some aspirations and goals. No addictions. He can't be a religious fanatic. Doesn't share my beliefs. He doesn't want children. A bad communicator. Jacked up teeth. He can't be short. No liars. Can't be involved with other people. Bad hygiene. He can't be lightskinned. A criminal record. Bisexuality. Jealousy. Insecurity. Bougie. Materialistic. Too big of a flirt...
Hearing and saying some of the things listed above made me reflect on how some of the things I say I couldn't and wouldn't allow still have happened and I've still dealt with them. Was that because I knew the relationship had no promise to start with? Were other things and situations allowing me to have a jaded view and not letting me see they weren't all I want? In the scheme of things are they just not as major as I thought they were? Is it all just a battle of petty differences? or Are there things that just really can't be put up with?
I think it's a bit of a combination. I know for a fact that there are a lot of things that I honestly refuse to accept and there are other things that I rather not have but can give or take a little. With some people I put up with one thing because another quality that I hold at a higher value shines more. Some "dealbreakers" that I've heard people say I know are more so preferences then things that a relationship would dissolve over.
I think it's rather interesting though. So many things I said "I would never..." to I'm having happen right now or have dealt with in the past year. It's time to evaluate and see have my ideals changed, are thing not as important or is it time to enforce some rules. hmmm.
so what are your dealbreakers?
One of my bestfriends had a dinner party on Sunday night to celebrate moving into her new place. So the combination of a bunch of women (sprinkled with a few guys), food and lots of wine we got on the subject relationships, specifically dealbreakers in relationships. You know those things that you "just won't put up with" and simply won't compromise for the sake of being in a relationship. So everyone is talking and saying what they don't like and a lot of things were feasible and then some things made me question is that something you'd end a relationship over or simply a frustration and difference in preferences. Also a lot of the things that were said were also sort of shallow, considering the other person couldn't bring the same thing to the table.
He can't smoke. Needs to have a relationship with God. Must have a job. Can't have kids. Needs to be educated. Has to make at least $__ a year. Can't be vain. Needs to have his own place. If I don't meet his family in __ months I'm gone. If a man can't take me to his house within the first __ I'm gone. If the sex is wack I'm out. He needs some aspirations and goals. No addictions. He can't be a religious fanatic. Doesn't share my beliefs. He doesn't want children. A bad communicator. Jacked up teeth. He can't be short. No liars. Can't be involved with other people. Bad hygiene. He can't be lightskinned. A criminal record. Bisexuality. Jealousy. Insecurity. Bougie. Materialistic. Too big of a flirt...
Hearing and saying some of the things listed above made me reflect on how some of the things I say I couldn't and wouldn't allow still have happened and I've still dealt with them. Was that because I knew the relationship had no promise to start with? Were other things and situations allowing me to have a jaded view and not letting me see they weren't all I want? In the scheme of things are they just not as major as I thought they were? Is it all just a battle of petty differences? or Are there things that just really can't be put up with?
I think it's a bit of a combination. I know for a fact that there are a lot of things that I honestly refuse to accept and there are other things that I rather not have but can give or take a little. With some people I put up with one thing because another quality that I hold at a higher value shines more. Some "dealbreakers" that I've heard people say I know are more so preferences then things that a relationship would dissolve over.
I think it's rather interesting though. So many things I said "I would never..." to I'm having happen right now or have dealt with in the past year. It's time to evaluate and see have my ideals changed, are thing not as important or is it time to enforce some rules. hmmm.
so what are your dealbreakers?
<< Home