twelve plus one
this weeks bakers dozen... 12 thoughts and a photo to describe my weekend
"See he is just too fat. He has to walk around his legs. Any normal man that walked like that you'd think his balls were swollen" -- My mom talking about this man in her office building
"Where my kangaroo's at? Them girls with big butts and little pouches in the front" -- What a DJ at this club in Baltimore asked when "Watch out for the Big Girls" came on.
"Damn I should be dating you instead of D you take me to better places then he does" -- What my friend J said after we went to Tapatinis and then had dinner at Papa Razzi
the following were heard or said at the wedding I attended Saturday
"That's his new girlfriend over there. That's the problem with guys now a days they leave the filet mignon's of the world like me for some ground chuck like her cause she's cheap and easy to mold." -- My friend 'S' pointing out her exes new girlfriend at our friends wedding.
"She must have a rash" -- my friend 'T's' reasoning on why one bridesmaid had on a cardigan at our friends wedding.
"Hmm now that's interesting" -- my reaction when I saw that the brides lesbian sister (who was maid of honor) opted not to wear a dress but a white suit and her shirt and tie matched the bridesmaids dresses.
"I wasn't invited to the reception but uhh that won't be stopping me from hitting the open bar and dipping out" -- What my friend from high school, now frat brother, said when I asked was he going to the reception.
"Throw rice, shiiit we needed to be throwing birth control pills, but I guess we are a day late and a dollar short" -- Alpha's response when the wedding hostess said get some rice to throw at the bride and groom
"This wedding makes my head hurt, we have one ex girlfriend snapping pictures and being happy for the couple and the other is a bridesmaid who sang a solo" -- D's comment about me and another young lady at the wedding Saturday
bride: Hey Hey Everyone back the fuck up can't you see the man is trying to take pictures
me (to my friend 'T'): I guess that whole respecting God's house and being ladylike on your wedding day went out of style in 2004
T: if I was marrying him, pregnant and knew I was going have to live with my mother-in-law for the next few months I'd be cursing too
" Christen M_____, damn girl you haven't changed one bit, well yes you have... hips got wider and your thighs are thicker, and believe me that's not a bad thing, but the curly hair thing, breasts and the thing with your tongue are still the same. We should exchange numbers and talk sometimes" -- What this asshole that I used to like in high school said to me when he saw me outside the church after the wedding and before I walked away and left him standing there.
man: Can I get a bonecrusher? But with a shot of belvedere instead of the shot of champagne and no sours mix, grenadine or lime juice
bartender: so umm basically you want gin, vodka, rum and triple sec on ice with a shot of belvedere
man: sounds about right
bartender: sounds like you are about to be fuuucked up
-- conversation between the bartender and this guy at TGI Friday's (where we went to eat and drink since most of the grooms friends weren't invited to the reception)
-- this picture kind of has been my mood and attitude all weekend... live luxuriously, be coy, be sexy and be noticed (sometimes even when you dont want to be)
"See he is just too fat. He has to walk around his legs. Any normal man that walked like that you'd think his balls were swollen" -- My mom talking about this man in her office building
"Where my kangaroo's at? Them girls with big butts and little pouches in the front" -- What a DJ at this club in Baltimore asked when "Watch out for the Big Girls" came on.
"Damn I should be dating you instead of D you take me to better places then he does" -- What my friend J said after we went to Tapatinis and then had dinner at Papa Razzi
the following were heard or said at the wedding I attended Saturday
"That's his new girlfriend over there. That's the problem with guys now a days they leave the filet mignon's of the world like me for some ground chuck like her cause she's cheap and easy to mold." -- My friend 'S' pointing out her exes new girlfriend at our friends wedding.
"She must have a rash" -- my friend 'T's' reasoning on why one bridesmaid had on a cardigan at our friends wedding.
"Hmm now that's interesting" -- my reaction when I saw that the brides lesbian sister (who was maid of honor) opted not to wear a dress but a white suit and her shirt and tie matched the bridesmaids dresses.
"I wasn't invited to the reception but uhh that won't be stopping me from hitting the open bar and dipping out" -- What my friend from high school, now frat brother, said when I asked was he going to the reception.
"Throw rice, shiiit we needed to be throwing birth control pills, but I guess we are a day late and a dollar short" -- Alpha's response when the wedding hostess said get some rice to throw at the bride and groom
"This wedding makes my head hurt, we have one ex girlfriend snapping pictures and being happy for the couple and the other is a bridesmaid who sang a solo" -- D's comment about me and another young lady at the wedding Saturday
bride: Hey Hey Everyone back the fuck up can't you see the man is trying to take pictures
me (to my friend 'T'): I guess that whole respecting God's house and being ladylike on your wedding day went out of style in 2004
T: if I was marrying him, pregnant and knew I was going have to live with my mother-in-law for the next few months I'd be cursing too
" Christen M_____, damn girl you haven't changed one bit, well yes you have... hips got wider and your thighs are thicker, and believe me that's not a bad thing, but the curly hair thing, breasts and the thing with your tongue are still the same. We should exchange numbers and talk sometimes" -- What this asshole that I used to like in high school said to me when he saw me outside the church after the wedding and before I walked away and left him standing there.
man: Can I get a bonecrusher? But with a shot of belvedere instead of the shot of champagne and no sours mix, grenadine or lime juice
bartender: so umm basically you want gin, vodka, rum and triple sec on ice with a shot of belvedere
man: sounds about right
bartender: sounds like you are about to be fuuucked up
-- conversation between the bartender and this guy at TGI Friday's (where we went to eat and drink since most of the grooms friends weren't invited to the reception)
-- this picture kind of has been my mood and attitude all weekend... live luxuriously, be coy, be sexy and be noticed (sometimes even when you dont want to be)
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