my black family... l.o.v.e.
With that holiday coming up on Monday, the "L" word has been on a lot of peoples brains. The past few days I've helped three of my guy friends plan romantic and "special" weekends/ evenings for the women that they love. I've talked to some of my girls who are trying to decide what outfit they are going to wear to the dinner they are not supposed to know about. I even went with my cousin to pick up "the ring" for this weekend.
It's kind of crazy how this one holiday that is sprinkled with my favorite colors can conjure up all these emotions in people who believe that it helps them define love. I didn't learn about l.ove from cupid or St. Valentine but from my parents.
They had a strangelove, not like Flav and Brigette, but a love that withstood a lot. The whole to have and to hold, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, forsaking all others as long as long as they lived type of love. Not to say they didn't have any issues but I know they gave me the ideal of what love was suposed to be.
They met at a cookout in like 1978. My grandparents (on both sides grew up together) my moms family moved from SC to NC and my dads from SC to DC so their paths never really crossed. My dad's cousin who lived in Charlotte was having a cookout at the park and she invited my mom because they went to the same H.S. and lived on the same street. Her cousin (my dad) happened to be in town for the weekend and swung by the cookout. When he pulled up (according to him) he saw this "sexy young thing" with some hot shorts and sandals and a curly fro packing up her car to leave. He smiled at her and she smiled back and waved then she got in her car and pulled off. He asked who she was and they were trying to tell him who's child she was and so forth and then told him she was too young for him (my mom was about 29 my dad was 43). About an hour later she pulled back up, she had accidentally left one of her lawn chairs at the park (my dad said it was no accident). So he approached her they exchanged info. He lived in DC she in Charlotte. They really didn't care.
Over the next few months they started calling and wrote each other (some of those letters I've read and they were pretty heavy lol). During the courting stage she learned he had a daughter and he learned she had a son. So the next time he came to Charlotte to visit he brought my sister to meet my brother. They became instant sidekicks. Over the next year or so they traveled back and forth wrote more heavy letters, called, sent some records lol and wrote some more.
My mom decided to come visit Christmas/New Years Eve of 1979, she always says if I didn't get my ring that week I was rolling out lol. He didn't give it to her Christmas so she got anxious, New Years Eve came and no ring either, finally when she was headed to the station to get ready to leave she got her ring. Six months later she was walking down the aisle and her and my brother moved to Maryland. About four months after that I was on my way.
Now like I said things weren't all peaches and cream. There would be arguments and disagreements. But the lesson I learned from them was never go to bed angry, close the door and solve the issue and to kiss and make up. My parents would go on dates and trips out of town (leaving me to get beat up by my siblings), but they knew they needed time away from us to concentrate on making them a better couple. They made serious sacrifices for us so whenever we could we'd scrape our pennies as the kids and send them to a concert to see the the O'Jays or Temptations so we could try to keep the love going and get them away from stress (us).
I think the greatest example of love was when my father got sick the first time. He had diabetes and because of complications from that spent a lot of time in the hospital. My mom took sickness and health to heart. She would go to the hospital before and after work, all day on the weekend and after church on Sunday. When he had to have a major surgery she used up a huge chunk of her leave to the point where she decided to take a leave of absence from work and ended up having to get demoted from her position (which she later got back at a higher level). But one thing I learned from her in that situation is that she always went in the room smiling and made sure that even in sickness my dad felt like the head of the household. She'd get dressed up and get her hair done and have on full makeup to go see him in the hospital. She wanted to give him her best at all times. When he came home and recovered she was there cooking and acting like nurse when the hired ones left. She always reassured him that he'd get better and she made him feel good.
For the next two years after his recovery they were back to the old ways again. Dates, traveling, and showing the perfect example of l.ove. When my dad got sick again she immediately took another leave of absence and spent all her time by his side and she was even more stoic. When he took his last breath she was there holding his hand and she was the one that kissed him on his forehead and closed his eyes. To this day peoplestill say that they admire her for her grace and elegance throughout the entire ordeal.
Her love for my father was and still is very strong. She is the one at the cemetary "talking" to him while she's cleaning off the tombstone telling him he better not be up there flirting with other women and jokes and laughs how she is going to date because she knows he would have been married again. She is the one that tells my nephew that his granddad was the perfect example of how a man is supposed to love and provide for his family. It's been 10 years (in April) since he passed away and only a few years ago did she take her band off and start really dating again (now it's on again but that's to block losers lol) . She has friends that she goes out with and has dinner with but she always says that she had her one true love and right now he's living in her heart.
So when I think about love valentines day, cupid, hearts and roses aren't what come to mind...
I think about my parents.
It's kind of crazy how this one holiday that is sprinkled with my favorite colors can conjure up all these emotions in people who believe that it helps them define love. I didn't learn about l.ove from cupid or St. Valentine but from my parents.
They had a strangelove, not like Flav and Brigette, but a love that withstood a lot. The whole to have and to hold, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, forsaking all others as long as long as they lived type of love. Not to say they didn't have any issues but I know they gave me the ideal of what love was suposed to be.
They met at a cookout in like 1978. My grandparents (on both sides grew up together) my moms family moved from SC to NC and my dads from SC to DC so their paths never really crossed. My dad's cousin who lived in Charlotte was having a cookout at the park and she invited my mom because they went to the same H.S. and lived on the same street. Her cousin (my dad) happened to be in town for the weekend and swung by the cookout. When he pulled up (according to him) he saw this "sexy young thing" with some hot shorts and sandals and a curly fro packing up her car to leave. He smiled at her and she smiled back and waved then she got in her car and pulled off. He asked who she was and they were trying to tell him who's child she was and so forth and then told him she was too young for him (my mom was about 29 my dad was 43). About an hour later she pulled back up, she had accidentally left one of her lawn chairs at the park (my dad said it was no accident). So he approached her they exchanged info. He lived in DC she in Charlotte. They really didn't care.
Over the next few months they started calling and wrote each other (some of those letters I've read and they were pretty heavy lol). During the courting stage she learned he had a daughter and he learned she had a son. So the next time he came to Charlotte to visit he brought my sister to meet my brother. They became instant sidekicks. Over the next year or so they traveled back and forth wrote more heavy letters, called, sent some records lol and wrote some more.
My mom decided to come visit Christmas/New Years Eve of 1979, she always says if I didn't get my ring that week I was rolling out lol. He didn't give it to her Christmas so she got anxious, New Years Eve came and no ring either, finally when she was headed to the station to get ready to leave she got her ring. Six months later she was walking down the aisle and her and my brother moved to Maryland. About four months after that I was on my way.
Now like I said things weren't all peaches and cream. There would be arguments and disagreements. But the lesson I learned from them was never go to bed angry, close the door and solve the issue and to kiss and make up. My parents would go on dates and trips out of town (leaving me to get beat up by my siblings), but they knew they needed time away from us to concentrate on making them a better couple. They made serious sacrifices for us so whenever we could we'd scrape our pennies as the kids and send them to a concert to see the the O'Jays or Temptations so we could try to keep the love going and get them away from stress (us).
I think the greatest example of love was when my father got sick the first time. He had diabetes and because of complications from that spent a lot of time in the hospital. My mom took sickness and health to heart. She would go to the hospital before and after work, all day on the weekend and after church on Sunday. When he had to have a major surgery she used up a huge chunk of her leave to the point where she decided to take a leave of absence from work and ended up having to get demoted from her position (which she later got back at a higher level). But one thing I learned from her in that situation is that she always went in the room smiling and made sure that even in sickness my dad felt like the head of the household. She'd get dressed up and get her hair done and have on full makeup to go see him in the hospital. She wanted to give him her best at all times. When he came home and recovered she was there cooking and acting like nurse when the hired ones left. She always reassured him that he'd get better and she made him feel good.
For the next two years after his recovery they were back to the old ways again. Dates, traveling, and showing the perfect example of l.ove. When my dad got sick again she immediately took another leave of absence and spent all her time by his side and she was even more stoic. When he took his last breath she was there holding his hand and she was the one that kissed him on his forehead and closed his eyes. To this day peoplestill say that they admire her for her grace and elegance throughout the entire ordeal.
Her love for my father was and still is very strong. She is the one at the cemetary "talking" to him while she's cleaning off the tombstone telling him he better not be up there flirting with other women and jokes and laughs how she is going to date because she knows he would have been married again. She is the one that tells my nephew that his granddad was the perfect example of how a man is supposed to love and provide for his family. It's been 10 years (in April) since he passed away and only a few years ago did she take her band off and start really dating again (now it's on again but that's to block losers lol) . She has friends that she goes out with and has dinner with but she always says that she had her one true love and right now he's living in her heart.
So when I think about love valentines day, cupid, hearts and roses aren't what come to mind...
I think about my parents.
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