Just a little note...
Dear Kendall**
I really think that you just may have bumped your head. You and I haven't talked this year and the last time I probably spoke to you was in perhaps September. So for you to call me and start talking like I woke up next to you this morning must make you dilusional. It's great that you miss talking to me and you miss hearing my voice and you miss seeing my "hips and breasts" (you lost that 1/2 a cool point you had left when you said that) but dear Kendall, you are seriously just a minor dent in my past. We went out occasionally, you never got past a hug and you never will, hell I can't even remember your last name... so could you please leave me alone.
Dear waxing lady,
Thank you for making me laugh SO HARD yesterday. When you walked that loudy out into the spa reception area and said "next time try trimming a little before you come in or I'll have to charge you extra for that jungle" had me dying. Although the woman you said that too was embarrased I found it very funny and for that laugh I say thank you.
Dear guy in my choir,
Would you please shut the hayle up. I didn't think it was humanly possible to crave attention to the point where even the PASTOR is like I wish he would keep his mouth shut for just a minute. If someone says I shat today (the past tense of shit lol), then you have to come tell a story about how god delivered you from constipation and now you shyt 3 times a day. If it's someones birthday then you follow up with how god delivered you from almost dying on your birthday. I love God just as much as you do but please just shut up sometimes. You want to know why you didn't get the solo? You were talking so much you missed out on getting the right notes and you sounded horrible. You want to know why no one volunteers to be on your committees? Because you talk too much and no one wants to deal with you. You know why all the girls you ask out at church hit you with the "aww lets be friends?" Cause they know they couldn't hear you talk the rest of their life? You know why when you have your hand up to testify and they act like they dont see you? You talk too much? You know why we are at war? You talk too much. you know why there isn't world peace? You talk too much.
Dear Pedicure Guru,
I think I'm going to have to end our relationship. There is no reason a pedicure should feel as good as you have them be. Most pedicures last maybe 20-30 minutes but nooo you always give me an hour minimum. My friend dropped me off at the spa and came back 30 min later and you were just getting to the hot stone and foot massage, you hadn't even painted my toes yet. I think you have some fetishism which I don't mind at all lol. But when you start doing reflexology and telling me how touching spots on my feet can stimulate body parts and then proceed to demonstrate... thats when I start to think I may have to let you go. So I'm going to give you ONE more chance thats all okay. Then after that I'm out maybe.
Dear Lashon**,
I'm so so so glad that I won't be working for or with you anymore. At first you were cool but then when you discovered that just because you were higher ranking then me that I wouldn't kiss your ass I guess you got a bit peeved. When I decided that I didn't want to eat lunch with you daily and participate in the "guess what white guy is married to a black woman" and "guess which guy is sleeping with who" convo's you got a bit peeved too. But it's all good. The other office gossiper (the gay white guy who works in HR lol) shared with me your "kind" words about me and how I'm bougie and supposedly a "trust fund kid" and when we had our argument and you tried to give me an ultimatum of doing things your way (even though it was proven that my method was effective and more productive) or ending my contract and I ended the contract I must tell you the look on your face was priceless. I soo wanted to pull out the camera phone, but that may have been too much. Then when HR called trying to get me to return and renew my contract and I said I already had a new job, I heard you looked disappointed. Awww I'm sorry. Did you want me to fail. Never that my love, never that... hahahaha *evil laugh*
Dear neighbors,
stop being so damn nosey. Not one neighbor. allllll of you. I know you guys have known me since the day I came from the hospital but sooo freaking what. I'm a grown ass woman now. No need to ask my mom why the plumber was at the house (dammit guys she was on vacation I got the issue fixed and she would have never known), no need to try to ask me if I'm getting married soon just cause you see a guy leaving out my house and if yall weren't so damn nosey staring out yalls windows you would have seen me on the porch that night (so stop looking at me funny lmao j/k). I'm grown, my mother knows that so why don't yall.
Dear random people who keep asking me the same question,
Just because I wear pink and at times have worn it with flecks of green, act prissy and am semi bougie gives you NO right to ask me if I am an AKA. LMAO... you better realize I'm a Delta to the bone.
**All names have been changed to protect the identity of the persons I am writing to except the letters to Kendall and Lashon.... those are those assholes real names lol.
Thanks. The Management
I really think that you just may have bumped your head. You and I haven't talked this year and the last time I probably spoke to you was in perhaps September. So for you to call me and start talking like I woke up next to you this morning must make you dilusional. It's great that you miss talking to me and you miss hearing my voice and you miss seeing my "hips and breasts" (you lost that 1/2 a cool point you had left when you said that) but dear Kendall, you are seriously just a minor dent in my past. We went out occasionally, you never got past a hug and you never will, hell I can't even remember your last name... so could you please leave me alone.
Dear waxing lady,
Thank you for making me laugh SO HARD yesterday. When you walked that loudy out into the spa reception area and said "next time try trimming a little before you come in or I'll have to charge you extra for that jungle" had me dying. Although the woman you said that too was embarrased I found it very funny and for that laugh I say thank you.
Dear guy in my choir,
Would you please shut the hayle up. I didn't think it was humanly possible to crave attention to the point where even the PASTOR is like I wish he would keep his mouth shut for just a minute. If someone says I shat today (the past tense of shit lol), then you have to come tell a story about how god delivered you from constipation and now you shyt 3 times a day. If it's someones birthday then you follow up with how god delivered you from almost dying on your birthday. I love God just as much as you do but please just shut up sometimes. You want to know why you didn't get the solo? You were talking so much you missed out on getting the right notes and you sounded horrible. You want to know why no one volunteers to be on your committees? Because you talk too much and no one wants to deal with you. You know why all the girls you ask out at church hit you with the "aww lets be friends?" Cause they know they couldn't hear you talk the rest of their life? You know why when you have your hand up to testify and they act like they dont see you? You talk too much? You know why we are at war? You talk too much. you know why there isn't world peace? You talk too much.
Dear Pedicure Guru,
I think I'm going to have to end our relationship. There is no reason a pedicure should feel as good as you have them be. Most pedicures last maybe 20-30 minutes but nooo you always give me an hour minimum. My friend dropped me off at the spa and came back 30 min later and you were just getting to the hot stone and foot massage, you hadn't even painted my toes yet. I think you have some fetishism which I don't mind at all lol. But when you start doing reflexology and telling me how touching spots on my feet can stimulate body parts and then proceed to demonstrate... thats when I start to think I may have to let you go. So I'm going to give you ONE more chance thats all okay. Then after that I'm out maybe.
Dear Lashon**,
I'm so so so glad that I won't be working for or with you anymore. At first you were cool but then when you discovered that just because you were higher ranking then me that I wouldn't kiss your ass I guess you got a bit peeved. When I decided that I didn't want to eat lunch with you daily and participate in the "guess what white guy is married to a black woman" and "guess which guy is sleeping with who" convo's you got a bit peeved too. But it's all good. The other office gossiper (the gay white guy who works in HR lol) shared with me your "kind" words about me and how I'm bougie and supposedly a "trust fund kid" and when we had our argument and you tried to give me an ultimatum of doing things your way (even though it was proven that my method was effective and more productive) or ending my contract and I ended the contract I must tell you the look on your face was priceless. I soo wanted to pull out the camera phone, but that may have been too much. Then when HR called trying to get me to return and renew my contract and I said I already had a new job, I heard you looked disappointed. Awww I'm sorry. Did you want me to fail. Never that my love, never that... hahahaha *evil laugh*
Dear neighbors,
stop being so damn nosey. Not one neighbor. allllll of you. I know you guys have known me since the day I came from the hospital but sooo freaking what. I'm a grown ass woman now. No need to ask my mom why the plumber was at the house (dammit guys she was on vacation I got the issue fixed and she would have never known), no need to try to ask me if I'm getting married soon just cause you see a guy leaving out my house and if yall weren't so damn nosey staring out yalls windows you would have seen me on the porch that night (so stop looking at me funny lmao j/k). I'm grown, my mother knows that so why don't yall.
Dear random people who keep asking me the same question,
Just because I wear pink and at times have worn it with flecks of green, act prissy and am semi bougie gives you NO right to ask me if I am an AKA. LMAO... you better realize I'm a Delta to the bone.
**All names have been changed to protect the identity of the persons I am writing to except the letters to Kendall and Lashon.... those are those assholes real names lol.
Thanks. The Management
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